I finally went back guys. It only took me ten months, but turns out I ran out of excuses and the only thing left in front of me was fear. I’m going to be honest with you here, despite my better judgment. Yes, I was afraid of jumping off that platform for the first time in almost a year. But that’s not what my fear was based on. My fear was people. The social aspect of it, I guess. All these people that I didn’t know (or barely knew from a year ago). I got myself so worked up about it the day I was first supposed to fly, that by the time I got home after having a great time up on the rig with everyone, I finally let myself relax and I had a real and true complete anxiety attack. What?! It’s over! Done! Why freak out now? One cannot explain irrational fears, they’re just there.
So, what did I do? Immediately sign up for the Saturday class in two days, and make a commitment to do it at least twice a week for the next month.
Here’s the thing…I don’t want irrational fear to control my life and stop me from fulfilling my dreams. I’ve had to do a lot of scary things the past couple years, some big, some small. I’ve been trying to do little things, like go out to eat by myself, for instance. And it’s all getting so much easier, I even enjoy doing some of those things by myself, now. And for some stupid reason, trapezing was giving me that same anxiety. The thought of going to a pilates or yoga class instills the same irrational fear. I really have no idea what it stems from or what I’m really afraid of.
ANYWAY! Enough about that crap. Lets talk about trapezing! I’ve been twice now, and it’s been so great, I can’t even tell you. People remembered me, made sure I was coming back, I did a fabulous warm up swing my first jump off the rig, then immediately did really bad almost every swing after that. HA! Yep, even the second class I just really did lousy. But I don’t even care about that, I know I’ll improve. I have a couple nasty popped blisters on my hands, but this beating up of my body feels really good right now. You know? My entire body is sore, my hands are killing me, but it feels so good to go out there and do something totally strenuous, pushing my body (and mind, lets face it) and just having fun! I got goals, yo. Goals are good.
I’ll try to get someone to take pictures or videos of me flying for you guys, but maybe we should wait until I’m not so horrible at it? Yikes. Once again, these aerial stretches have been a life saver. Thank you, Sarah! I’m particularly struggling in pushing through my two position splits. My back just won’t bend where it’s supposed to bend. I’m hoping those stretches will help.
Yeah, so, I’m stoked, guys. Fear is stupid, let’s just ignore it, k?
>> more trapeze posts if you’re totally intrigued.