Wednesday night was considerably warmer than it has been the last few weeks on the rig. It makes flying that much more fun when you’re not freezing your butt off. I’ve been struggling with getting a pretty back end planche down in time to get caught by the catcher. When I first got to the rig, I walked up to the outdoor heater (you know, the kind they have on restaurant patios) where Dave and Susan were keeping warm. Dave gives me a hug and says “I want you to learn a turn-around tonight. Let’s forget planche for awhile.” Susan completely agreed, said she was going to suggest that. (A turn-around is the first step you need to take before you learn how to jump back on the platform.)
My first time doing it, they were all pretty impressed it was my first try at it. It was sloppy! But for my first time? Not bad I guess. I pulled some exceptionally bad ones that night, and some pretty darn good ones, too. Especially considering I just learned the trick that night. There were only four of us flying that night, so we each had tons of time on the rig. I was exhausted at the end of the hour and a half and was feeling pretty good about myself.
Then Dave came up to me and said “Some people come out here and fly like Sabrina*”, one of the younger girls that was there that night (*name has been changed to protect the innocent. Or in this case, the guilty). “But not me”, he continued, “I’d rather give it everything I got and do it all the way. I’m not content with just doing it.”
Dave just told me I was half-assing it.
This girl is cocky, acts bored the entire time, and just does enough. She never really improves. Ever. I’ve flown with her many times before, and she just does the same thing, with the same crappy attitude.
I drove home that night, feeling good about what I accomplished, but replaying what Dave said in my head. “Dave thinks I’m half-assing it! I’m not half-assing it! Wait…am I half-assing it?! If I’m half-assing that, what else in my life am I half-assing??”
I proceeded to spend the rest of the week analyzing every important aspect of my life, wondering if I half-ass it all. Do I just go through life half-assing and I don’t realize it? I guess at work, sometimes I half-ass it. But other times I work my ass off. My entire ass. It’s gone. Nothing left. So maybe when I let myself slack a bit it’s okay? Or maybe it’s not. What about other important things in my life, including my relationships with people? I don’t think I’m half-assing those things, because those things are top priorities in my life. But is that only half of my ass talking??
I’ve always fought for what’s important in my life, things that I really wanted, I worked really, really hard for. And I’ve accomplished a lot! After analyzing my ass all week and how hard it’s working, I’ve come to the conclusion that no, I do not half-ass these top priorities in my life. But that doesn’t mean I can’t do better. Put more into it. More umph, if you will.
Today at trapeze, I worked both halves of my ass. My warm up swing (out of lines, let me remind you) is improving with every swing. My back sweep is getting stronger, my seven better. I did a few very good turn-arounds with a cut-away (includes back flip). I did much better planche’s today. My take off’s were improved. I was caught twice by Tori doing planche both times. Then after class, I went over and played with the traveling rings, which was so fun! I did pretty darn good at that, too. Even pretty! Kira said “Whoa, you could be really good at this!”
I came home wincing in pain. My blisters have formed underneath my callouses (I count ten blisters in total, just from today). The biggest one popped before we started catching. I cut the skin off and taped up and kept going. I landed on the net wrong one time and both knees are bruised pretty bad and hurting.
This is not half-assing. What Dave said motivated me to have more confidence and to keep fighting (harder!) for the things that matter most to me in life. I really was giving everything 100%. But 110% is so much better.
So now I’m celebrating by drinking champagne out of the mini bottle. At noon. And wearing a hat because it’s freezing in my house. HERE’S TO HALF-ASSING!
(selfies are so shameful, aren’t they??)