Not too long ago, a friend gave me a plaque that had a quote on it from Abraham Lincoln, “A person will be just about as happy as they make up their mind to be”. It’s true. But what happens when you personally can’t get over some thing(s) in your life and you’re sabotaging your own happiness because you feel you don’t deserve it? Then what? I keep thinking time will help. And sometimes it does. I guess overall it has. I’m constantly looking to myself, trying to see what my good qualities are that I want to build on, and what mistakes I’ve made in the past, or what qualities in me I never really saw but do now, and definitely want to change. I’m in constant reflection. I analyze every thought I have, every move I make, every small or large decision I need to make. That gets very tiring sometimes, and I feel beat down. By myself. So then I try to take a few days, a week, to just try to re-freaking-lax. To stop worrying so much, stop evaluating myself and just let myself be.
We all have a constant battle, and a constant responsibility, to look inward and try to become better people. I think even the best people on the planet do that, that’s how they got that way. That’s how they stay that way.
I’ve learned so much about myself the past couple of years. Some good things, some bad things, some were huge revelations, others were things I already knew. I can see things more clearly now. I can look at situations, like I’m hovering in the space above them looking down, and see them for how they really are. Not all the time, no. And it took this long to realize that vantage point was even there.
I’m trying to be calm. Take my time. Simplify my life. Make good decisions. Take care of myself. Be kind to people. Find this elusive happiness. I know where it starts. It’s feeling okay to move forward and allow it is the tough part.
There’s no real point to this post. Just my stream of consciousness today. Thanks for listening.