I am such a dreamer.
More than I realized, I fear. I’m not sure if it’s helping me or hindering me in life. If it makes me reach and fight for what I want, or if it makes me disillusioned. I guess all creatives/artists are dreamers. That’s just how we think. We don’t think, actually. We feel. We trust our gut, our heart. And that’s what makes us special. Dynamic. Other people see it in us, they just can’t put their finger on what’s different about us.
I am a thinker, too. I analyze things way too much. I’m a perfectionist, even though I don’t want to be. I lined up my life long ago, saw to the future, what I wanted out of life, what kind of person I wanted to be. And I started making steps to get there. To be that person. To do those things I wanted to do. I was strong. I fought. Hard. I made it. I made my life, and it was amazing.
Or was it? Is it? What is great, anyway? What is happiness? What brings it? People? Things? Projects? You know that feeling you get after you’ve planned a party for months, then the day comes, everything’s perfect, but then it’s over? You’re sad. Utterly sad. Your party is over. Why can’t you dwell on how beautiful it was? Or how much fun everyone had? Or how much the guest of honor adored it? Pat yourself on the back for throwing such a rad party! But no…I sit there sad, for days afterwards, wondering why I’m sad. Then I finally realize…it’s the my-party’s-over letdown feeling. Sometimes we have to constantly have our hands in a project to make us happy. Or to distract us from what is making us unhappy.
Dreams are great to have. Being a dreamer is a great way to live. It’s fun. It’s interesting. It keeps your mind and heart reaching for the seemingly untouchable. Sometimes we can touch it. We can have those dreams come true, if we reach far enough. If we didn’t dream them in the first place, we wouldn’t know they’re out there, past the stars.
What’s the point of my musings today? I’m not sure. It’s raining. The rain drops feel like stars falling from the sky. That makes our dreams that much closer today.