The State of the Trapeze Union


I finally went back guys. It only took me ten months, but turns out I ran out of excuses and the only thing left in front of me was fear. I’m going to be honest with you here, despite my better judgment. Yes, I was afraid of jumping off that platform for the first time in almost a year. But that’s not what my fear was based on. My fear was people. The social aspect of it, I guess. All these people that I didn’t know (or barely knew from a year ago). I got myself so worked up about it the day I was first supposed to fly, that by the time I got home after having a great time up on the rig with everyone, I finally let myself relax and I had a real and true complete anxiety attack. What?! It’s over! Done! Why freak out now? One cannot explain irrational fears, they’re just there.

So, what did I do? Immediately sign up for the Saturday class in two days, and make a commitment to do it at least twice a week for the next month.

Here’s the thing…I don’t want irrational fear to control my life and stop me from fulfilling my dreams. I’ve had to do a lot of scary things the past couple years, some big, some small. I’ve been trying to do little things, like go out to eat by myself, for instance. And it’s all getting so much easier, I even enjoy doing some of those things by myself, now. And for some stupid reason, trapezing was giving me that same anxiety. The thought of going to a pilates or yoga class instills the same irrational fear. I really have no idea what it stems from or what I’m really afraid of.

ANYWAY! Enough about that crap. Lets talk about trapezing! I’ve been twice now, and it’s been so great, I can’t even tell you. People remembered me, made sure I was coming back, I did a fabulous warm up swing my first jump off the rig, then immediately did really bad almost every swing after that. HA! Yep, even the second class I just really did lousy. But I don’t even care about that, I know I’ll improve. I have a couple nasty popped blisters on my hands, but this beating up of my body feels really good right now. You know? My entire body is sore, my hands are killing me, but it feels so good to go out there and do something totally strenuous, pushing my body (and mind, lets face it) and just having fun! I got goals, yo. Goals are good.

I’ll try to get someone to take pictures or videos of me flying for you guys, but maybe we should wait until I’m not so horrible at it? Yikes. Once again, these aerial stretches have been a life saver. Thank you, Sarah! I’m particularly struggling in pushing through my two position splits. My back just won’t bend where it’s supposed to bend. I’m hoping those stretches will help.

Yeah, so, I’m stoked, guys. Fear is stupid, let’s just ignore it, k?

>> more trapeze posts if you’re totally intrigued.



I feel just like this girl right now. In despair. I have done the unthinkable.

I left my cell phone at home.

AAAHHHH! What am I going to do?? I’m going to be living like a neanderthal all day, that’s what. No checking Instagram every five minutes. What if I miss a tweet? How will I know when I get an email? What if someone texts me and I can’t respond immediately?? How will I find my way home from work without Google telling me where to go?! I sure hope today isn’t the day I get kidnapped, because if it is, they’ll have to find me the old fashioned way. Sleuthing!

What in the world did we do without a phone on us at every single moment of every single day? We didn’t need one. We let people leave us messages on our…oh no, I forget what it’s called. Answering machine! Wow, that was close. They’d leave a message on our answering machine (not voice mail) and we’d *gasp* wait until we got home from work to check it and call them back. What a world, right? Neanderthal world, if you ask me!

I didn’t have a cell phone until I was the ripe old age of 25. I got along just fine, too. No kidnapping. No one disowned me because I couldn’t answer their question within two minutes of receiving it. If I wanted to look at pictures, I’d open a photo album. If I wanted to tell someone something meaningless about my day, I would do it in person. And I never ever cared about showing anyone my food.

We live in a crazy world, folks, where cell phones reign. And I for one, am all for it. But today…today I shall treat as an experiment. I shall unplug for ten hours, and see how good I feel afterwards. Interacting face to face with people, and that’s it. Except for the fact that I have a desk job and will be in front of my computer screen(s) all day long and will check all six of my email accounts constantly just to be sure no one emailed me (I really need to consolidate my email accounts). And I guess technically I can check Instagram online, too. But I WILL have to find my way home all by myself!

If you don’t hear from me by 4pm I’ve either a) been kidnapped or b) haven’t figured out how to get home. Now, please don’t tweet or Instagram anything interesting until 4pm, because I don’t want to miss something as important as what your lunch looked like.

>> img source


Remember the time I lived in Downtown San Diego for a few days? Well, the first night I was there, I needed a place to eat dinner, as one does when they’re living at the Hyatt. I had a long important work day ahead, so I decided to just walk next door to Headquarters to find hopefully a new place to eat. Headquarters is the new shopping…place? center? experience? What would we call that? Whatever, it’s right next to Seaport Village. They converted the old Police Station to the shopping-whatever. They have a few great stores (some boring ones) and a few good restaurants. As soon as I walked in and saw this I was like…um yes. I’m eating HERE.


I walked up to the hostess and said “I need a drink, a taco, and I’d like to sit right there” and pointed to these two little awesome areas in the bar. She laughed at me (I’m used to it by now) and said not a problem!


I even had a view of my hotel! You know, to make sure no one broke into my room and stole my sweaty running clothes I just shed a half hour prior.

The waitress got me a gorgeously large glass of wine, a bucket of delicious chips with amazing salsa (I almost drank it, it was so good), and gave me the run down of the menu.


That middle section is tacos. That’s what they’re famous for. My boss ate here awhile ago and told me he didn’t like it. But lets face it, he’s much fancier than I am, and he did not order their tacos. I think he was expecting more Old Town type of food. Whatever, I would love to eat here every single day for the rest of my life.

I’m not kidding.

I asked the waitress what her favorites were, I told her what I was leaning towards, and between the two of us we got my order down. Three street tacos for $12. Not bad, right? I did upgrade one of them, but totally worth it. I ended up with the Chicken Verde, Carnitas (fan favorite), and the Filet Mignon (she swore by this one).


You guys. YOU GUYS. These were so good. I devoured them way too fast, almost ordered another three. But I refrained. I think four would’ve been perfect, three wasn’t quite enough. But did you see on the menu they have Taco Tuesdays?? $2 tacos! Think of how many you could get! I need to make my way down here one Tuesday after work for taco tuesday. And eat one of every taco on the menu.

I’m not kidding.

Okay so, after I inhaled three tacos, I sat in my swivel chair checking out people walking by, and…wait…who is that??


My sister! I had invited her to come join me for dinner, but she insisted on running instead. FINE. I was spending a couple days with her that week anyway, so it wasn’t a big deal. But she was out running and decided to come find me. And find me she did! It was so fun. She sat down, drank all of my water and some of my wine (I get possessive. Let this be a lesson to you.) and we stayed there for a bit longer just talking. I informed her of the amazing tacos, and Taco Tuesday,  and she just texted me from there this past Tuesday! Listen to me, people, I know things.

Then we went to the bathroom. I’m only telling you this because I liked the light and door and hallway.

puesto 11



So, what do you think? You gonna try Puesto?

Where are you, Fall?


So, it’s fall (sorta) and I haven’t done one fall thing yet. I really want to get into this fall thing, you know? Go to Julian and eat apple pie. Maybe even pick some darn apples! (where do you do that, by the way? I’m ashamed to ask, I’ve lived here most of my life and have never. been. apple. picking.) I want to sit in coffee shops and drink lattes with cinnamon and chocolate shavings on top and watch the pouring rain outside, and sketch in my notebook (okay, that will never happen because I am so not a sketchist). I want to buy multiple beanies, one for each day, and wear wellies and stomp in puddles. Rake up fallen leaves into a giant pile and jump in them (that one hurts, by the way, not as soft as the movies lead you to believe, I don’t recommend). I want to wear thigh high wool socks and chunky knit mittens. Make homemade soups and take long, hot baths. I want to stare out my balcony window and watch for lightening in the many thunderstorms we get here in San Diego (aka none).

See, that’s the problem. We’re in SAN DIEGO. Where fall doesn’t really happen like it does everywhere else. It’s still almost 80 degrees every day here, I hear a hot spell is coming this weekend. We get seasons about 2-3 months later than everyone else, if they come at all. I’m just jonesing for some fall, though! I want to force it. Pretend it’s here and wear fall clothes and do fall things! But then I’m just sweaty and miserable and everyone looks at me stupid.

What a conundrum.

Best Friends are Hard to Find

me and lucy

I’ve been thinking a lot about friends lately. Old friends, new friends, the best friend I had in elementary school, the best friend I had in junior high and high school. And best friends after that. But of course, after you graduate school, you don’t really have just one best friend anymore. At least, I didn’t. I had different best friends for different reasons. Different occasions. And they all came from different groups, different parts of my life, in different times of my life. I never thought about the older friends as not really being my best friend anymore. I just started wording it differently. “One of my best friends”.

I started categorizing them: Current best friend that lives near me and I talk to on a daily basis. Best friend from high school. Old roommate that I will always love, even though I know every single one of her quirks, and she knows mine (yipes). Best friend that I had when I lived in a different city and we only email each other a couple times a year now, but she still holds a special place in my heart.

I think everyone goes through friend lulls. Where you move, or start a new job, or make another huge life change, and your friends shift a bit. Or a lot. And you’re in the market for a new, Current Best Friend. Well, how the heck do you do this?

You could be like me and just wait until someone falls in your lap and cross your fingers that it’s going to be a good one. Or you could do something different…

DATE a Potential Best Friend.

This is serious business, folks! You can’t just wait for a best friend to come along! You can’t be timid, and just be stoked the cool girl is talking to you. You need to act like YOU are that cool girl (because you probably are and just don’t realize it), you need to scour the earth for a girl that puts a twinkle in your eye, and you need to pursue the heck outta her!

Here’s my plan:

When I meet someone that I think could be Potential Best Friend material, I’m going for it. I’m not going to sit at home and stare at my phone, hoping she’ll call, even though I never gave her my phone number. I’m going to right off the bat invite her out for a drink. Yeah, I said it. A drink! (if she doesn’t drink, she’s no bestie material, let’s face it.) None of this coffee business, I’m going straight for the gullet. (is that even a phrase?) Just me and her. A real live date. We can talk one on one, get to know each other a bit, see if we click. We might not click. If we don’t, there will most likely not be Potential Best Friend Date #2. Sure, there will be group events and random texts and stuff, but I don’t want to be best friends with people that just aren’t ME. You know? Not a part of my tribe. Just because they want to, doesn’t mean I have to go for it.

Please don’t confuse this as being mean to people, that’s not what I’m saying. We’re talking Best Friend here, one that you ugly cry in front of, tell all your dirty secrets to, and dance hard, dressed up like Madonna circa Like a Virgin era in the living room with. Best Friend material is precious! You know this. I know this. We need to treat this seriously. And start dating potential besties.

“But what will we talk about on our first date? What if we run out of things to say?” Good question! Here are some talking points that might help you. Feel free to write them on your hand and hope you don’t sweat the ink off.

  1. What cities have you lived in? Which was your favorite and why?
  2. If you could travel anywhere tomorrow, where would it be, and what would you do there?
  3. What is your spirit animal? (mine’s booze.)
  4. What is your dream career? (if she’s already in it, get her talking about it)
  5. What the heck is that chick wearing over there?
  6. Want another drink? (only if things are going well)
  7. Check please! (if it’s not)
  8. Do you have kids? / Tell me about your kids? / Do you want kids? / Wanna hear about my cats? No? Okay, never mind (then go to #7 immediately)
  9. Tell me about some bands/musicians that you like.

These are just some starters for you. I suggest you start out by making your own list of qualities that are important in your Potential Best Friend. Perhaps one of these would be on your list:

  1. Good sense of humor (aka laughs at everything you say)
  2. Dresses well (what? perhaps you’re a bit superficial, like I am)
  3. Kind
  4. Has kids / doesn’t have kids (this could be a deal breaker for someone, either way)
  5. Has some things in common with you (for instance, I would like someone that’s creative)
  6. Someone that inspires you, nudges you out of your comfort zone

Again, just some suggested qualities. But make your own list. Jot it down. Put it on the fridge. Or stick it in your Google Drive on your phone, so when you meet someone new you can quickly glance at it and see if that person truly is a Potential Best Friend or not.

I really think I’m onto something, you guys.

// above photo of my best friend Lucy and I at Del Mar Fair in 1990. Beeker & Animal 4Ever!


I was driving aimlessly in downtown San Diego not too long ago, on work errands. It was a Tuesday, and Gaslamp at 11:30am on a Tuesday isn’t quite bustling yet. I sped past Searsucker (one can only speed in Gaslamp on a Tuesday at 11:30. No pedestrians!), remembered I’ve wanted to try it for awhile, and after my last work errand, I stopped there for lunch.


It was completely empty. I guess that’s what happens when you’re eating an early lunch downtown. For lunch, you order at the counter, they give you a number, and you sit wherever you want. I chose a cute little bar height table in a window alcove so I could watch people walking by (two people walked by. Boring.)

Searsucker San Diego
Searsucker San Diego

There’s the view from my table. Not a soul in sight! Okay so, I had ordered the Lobster Roll, because I had seen all over Instagram all summer “but that lobster roll, though!” (can we talk for a minute about people saying “that couch, though!” “those shoes, though!” on Instagram constantly lately? Okay okay, we get it, you’re acting like you’re in mid-convo but you’re not and guess what? EVERYONE says that, they have for about a year now so you’re not cool anymore, k?? Gosh I’m mean. Perhaps I should stay off social media for awhile?)

Anyway, here’s my lobster roll:

Searsucker San Diego

Does it look the way a lobster roll is supposed to look? Feel free to weigh in, if you’re a lobster roll expert (calling all Maine people). I discussed this in great detail with my sister’s boyfriend, and he informed me this in fact is NOT a true lobster roll, one you would get from Maine. This was cold. It was like a tuna salad sandwich, except with lobster. Mayonnaisey, if you will. Have I mentioned cold? I really thought it was going to be warm. I wasn’t digging it. It wasn’t bad, just didn’t float my boat, ya know? You’re in luck, though! He has informed me where we all CAN get a true, very close to Maine lobster roll in San Diego. Ready for it? Ironside! It’s in Little Italy. I have yet to try it, but now I’m on a mission to find a lobster roll that tastes like it’s supposed to (check out that picture on their website. Love it.)

Okay, back to Searsucker! I loved how they decorated the joint. Check it out.

Searsucker San Diego
Searsucker San Diego
Searsucker San Diego

Also, check out their drink menu. How bad do you want to order a When Doves Cry just because of the name?

Searsucker San Diego

I’ve been told that place is ridiculously busy at night, and has a good vibe to it. I’d like to give it another shot for sure, just to drink out of those blue glasses and stare at the awesome hanging lights, which reminds me, I need to order a bulb kit from Color Cord Company stat.

>> This has been a public service message about lobster rolls. You’re welcome.

you know me.

air traffic controller - you know me

There’s this band from Boston. They’re called Air Traffic Controller. I saw them live in LA a while back, you may remember. Well, they just released a video of my very favorite song by them, You Know Me. Bose recorded it live, and it is simply perfect. I love him in that hat. I love her in that red lipstick. I love the empty warehouse and use of lights in the daytime. This is such an amazing song, and this recording is just epic.

When I met Dave, he told me he wrote this song for his wife, then introduced me to his wife, who was working the merch booth. This is such a great band. They are freaking talented, ridiculously nice, and are just amazing on stage. I recorded their performance of this song on my phone that night, but since I was literally touching the speakers, the sound quality is horrible, so I didn’t post my video. Instead, I thought you might want to see the professional, high quality live performance Bose recorded in Brooklyn.


Twitter | Facebook | Instagram | Website | Spotify

// Image above: Screenshot from the video, courtesy Bose

good intentions


You know how you want to be a certain kind of person, but you’re just not, and you struggle to accept it?

You know…

“I’m the type of person that wakes up at dawn and goes running”
“I’m the type of person that reacts kindly to everyone, all the time, even if they are mean”
“I’m the type of person who never leaves the house in their pj’s”
“I’m the type of person who never eats an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s Coffee Heath Bar Crunch whilst binge watching Netflix”
“I’m the type of person who _________________________________ (fill in your own!)”

Yeah, well, I’m just not. It’s okay to embrace these things, guys! The one I’m thinking of right now is the top one. I leave for work at 6:30 Monday-Friday, and I see people running before the sun is up. “Ohhhh I want to be them! I’ll do that Saturday!” It just looks so fresh, and crisp, and delightful. I imagine I’ll be listening to the birds wake up as the sun starts peeking over the mountains ever so slightly. I’m clearing my head in the crisp air, thinking about nothing but the pounding of my feet on the pavement. I feel strong, tight, perfectly even breathing as I’m racing up hill, never slowing down (or walking, heavens no) because I am the perfect runner.

The reality of this is me waking up, throwing my running shoes on whilst wiping the eye googies from my eye, telling the cats I know I’m nuts, but I’ll be back, it’ll be good, I swear. I act all cool while I’m walking fast through my complex (gotta warm up), run through all the cobwebs on that first leg right after the stinky trash cans (this doesn’t happen in the afternoon, other people have already walked through them for me), then huff and puff like I’m a smoking asthmatic trying to make it up the half-block hill. I haven’t had coffee yet, turns out I’m starving, all I can think of is “whose stupid idea was this anyway?!” I cut my run much shorter than normal, walking most of the time so it’s still taken the same amount of time, then I come home to find I’ve locked myself out of the house.

You guys, I’m not a morning runner. I’m not. Here’s the other bummer part. Once I do grab my spare key and get inside, I have to take a shower immediately, there’s no coffee made, but even if there was I have to drink loads of water first (I hate drinking water first thing in the morning), then I’m so hungry after my shower I feel like I’m going to pass out, so I have to make breakfast, then my morning is GONE. My lovely luxurious stay-in-bed-and-drink-coffee morning is GONE. Obliterated. Because I have this vision of morning run people being better than me. Okay fine, they are. But I don’t even get a good workout because of all of those things above. I tried it again this past weekend. I told myself both days I would do it (I feel totally in shape after walking everywhere downtown last week, I wanted to keep up the momentum), but it’s been 90 degrees, so I would need to go running early. I made the wise decision to NOT do it, though! And instead, do pilates at 3pm safely in my air conditioned living room. Fabulous! Good choice, me!

I tell myself when it gets colder my running routine will be better. I’m pretty sure I’ll have plenty of excuses then, too. Whatever. We can’t all be those cool, in shape morning runners.

For the love of my bed

Heeey there. How are you guys? Guess what? It’s Friday. 7:48am. And I’m in bed still. Isn’t that great? You see, I have worked my little (aka big) butt off the last couple weeks at work, and my stellar, amazing, hardworking bosses were like “you know what? You just take the rest of the week off!” And I was like “heck yes!” I did have to race into work early yesterday morning for an emergency, but I of course was happy to do it. It secretly makes me feel important.

No, this is not another really long post about my mattress. Phew, right?

Yeah, so, the last couple weeks have been insane. I would race into work in the 6am hour, and not leave until 8pm sometimes. I was on my feet all day, putting together these fabulous books I designed/wrote for this huge retreat for 80 people that flew out here for a convention. I’ll talk all about that later. I took pictures for you guys, aren’t you excited?

But right now I want to talk about it being a Friday and I’m still in bed. Aaahhh. Why can’t I ever sleep in? 6am is it. At least I get the luxury(?) of watching the sunrise. I love my place, I get to watch the sunrise and the sunset. Whaaa?? I know. I’m damn spoiled, that’s for sure. This morning as I was waiting for the coffee to finish brewing, I was gazing out the dining room window watching the sun peek over the mountains, and I decided that I even like hearing the traffic on the main drag below. I don’t know, I just really, really love my place. Even the not-so-great things! I’m just really happy here in my teeny tiny corner of the world.

The sunrise was great, by the way. Have you noticed that even the sunrise and sunsets know it’s fall? They look fall to me, the red/orange is deeper. Really stunning. That nature. Just knows what to do.

I of course made a gigantic list of things I wanted to accomplish today. So gigantic that there is no way on earth I’ll be able to accomplish it all. Oh well, there’s always tomorrow. It’s supposed to be blazing hot today again, so I should’ve gone running right when I got up. But you know, my bed wanted me to be back in it. I totally love sitting in my bed, drinking coffee and reading in the mornings. One of my favorite things to do.

I’ve been gone all week, this is the first night I’ve slept in my bed this week. It was luxurious. Okay, I’ll stop talking about my bed. Sorry!

I bought this really great ring on my little downtown adventure. I am so in love with it. I’m totally into rings lately. It reminds me of the time in jr high when I wore hardcore rings on every single one of my fingers, more than one on some. Hardcore=that awesome snake ring with the ruby eyes. Oh maaan that one was my favorite. My style has evolved a bit (thank goodness) so now my ring styles are a tad more minimalist. So there’s that.


Yes, I have the hand of an 80 year old man. Who paints his nails, naturally.

I loved living the city life again for (almost) a week. I walked all over, it was ridiculous. Parking in the city is horrible! And expensive! They are installing new meters now, though, where you use your credit card instead of quarters. It’s about time! I never have quarters. And it feels like it’s cheaper because you’re not shoving in 80 quarters.

So on Thursday, I walk the five blocks to my car from my sisters’ place at 6:30am with my grande latte from the Starbucks next door (I always feel so urban leaving her high rise condo building and walking next door to get coffee with all the other city folk) and there is a giant delivery truck blocking me in! Um…now what. I put my stuff in my car and decide to look for him. What if he’s there for an hour or something? Work emergency! I’m important! Must be on my way! I find him fast, he was really great about it, and just backed up five feet so I could slip out. Thanks giant delivery truck driver!

I made it back to her place in time for a lovely stroll (aka really hard strenuous hike/run/torture in the sun session) through Balboa Park. Run Keeper told me it was 3.55 miles, but in that heat I swear it was 5.55. We went off-roading a bit and had really great city views.

balboa park
balboa park
balboa park
balboa park

We ended the morning at Cafe Chloe for some breakfast. I had some amazing dish with roasted peppers and fried eggs and toast that was buttered on BOTH sides. What a world!

Cafe Chloe

So now I’m home. Ready to tackle this day. After I lounge a bit longer because all of you are at work (sorry) but I’m not. And I am loving it!!

Hooray for Friday’s!!

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